How we fall in love, but fail to love

Maybe you knew her through a friend. Maybe you knew him online. How you first met doesn’t matter, because fundamentally it’s the same thing. He/she catches your eye and you start texting. Conversations flow naturally. The first date is exactly how you envisioned it to be – wonderful and not one bit awkward. You wonder why you guys never met earlier.

All of a sudden, hope is restored. Maybe she’s the right girl. Maybe he’s the right boy.

Finally, you wake up looking forward to morning text messages. Finally, you have a special someone to brunch with, someone cute to take selfies with. Yet just as things seem to be going right, things take a turn south. The texting becomes less affectionate. The outings become less frequent. At the back of your mind, you know something is amiss but you delay asking what’s wrong. After all, you don’t want to appear too eager and life is busy, as is. Yet without you realising, you find out that it has been weeks. By then, you figure maybe she’s not as right as you imagined her to be. And so you move on.

Welcome to the modern dating scene. These people we date, the More-than-friends-not-yet-our-lovers, they’re neither Youth, Love, Pleasure nor Marriage. While there were fond memories, they’re just faded, transient moments. They’re like the grey area, the spaces that fall in between.

A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late or maybe forever. 

500 Days of Summer is my favourite movie, not because it’s romantic but because it’s realistic. As a young girl, I grew up thinking that God made everything in pairs. Adam had Eve, Grandma had Granddad, Mom had Dad. Even my male puppy, Russell eventually had Pebbles, the female puppy we eventually brought home. I grew up believing in love, the very notion that for every boy was a girl. My grandparents would shout at each other, but never once did I wake up with fear wondering if either of them would walk out from me.

One day it dawned upon me. Today, we fall in love but fail to love. We used to learn to love, but now, we just yearn for love.

Could progression be the cost of love today? The interconnectedness we enjoy today has introduced a plethora of options that convince us that when things don’t go right, something better always awaits. Just like how the average life span of items have dropped, so have the life span of modern relationships. Things which were once built to last, but now just seem to be built for lust.

I see phones as a reflection of modern day love. Like our lovers, we’re much more attached to our phones today than in the past. But herein lies the irony, while we’re much more reliant on our phones today, we replace them as soon as something better comes along. At the back of our minds, we know nothing is wrong but yet we convince ourselves that what we have is no longer good enough. We justify the need for something new. And perhaps the modern product life cycle is a subtle yet deep reflection of the modern relationships we see today.

While there’s no stopping of the shortening of product life cycles, I hope we’ll never let the day-to-day habits we subconsciously cultivate, turn us into flippant people who only speak of love.

I pray you love. Because unlike falling in love, there’s no falling out with Love.


Founder and Editor of Jcheongwrites, she writes about love and life.


  • Reply September 9, 2014


    500 days of summer is my favourite movie too! ^^,

    • Reply October 29, 2014

      J Cheong

      I guess, OLD is GOLD 😉 500 summers is an awesome old school clip!

  • Reply October 27, 2014


    Hi J. I’ve been reading your blogs. I’m lost for words. Looking forward to your next. I just wanna ask. We’ve been almost 7 months now and we never met personally. I knew her online. I told myself she’s the one but now all of sudden like you said things take a turn south. Does this mean she give up?

    Thanks. 🙂

    • Reply October 29, 2014

      J Cheong

      Hi CRL, thanks for reaching out to me. I wish I could give you the right answer but unfortunately, the only person who will give you the answer you’re looking for is the girl herself. If she matters to you, fight for it. Even if it really takes a turn south, at least you know you’ve tried and won’t be left wondering “What if I had asked her then, what went wrong?” Good luck! 😉

      • Reply October 29, 2014


        Hi J. Yea. I think I’ll do that. Thank you! 😀

      • Reply December 18, 2014


        Hi, J.. i having the same situation just like CRL..he make me feel did he like me, coz we never meet personally, coz we knew each other online…should i give up on him, i wish he is the one, but i cannot get the answer i want from him. Is that mean….. is the time for me to give up?


    • Reply December 18, 2014


      give her the confidence to continue

      • Reply February 25, 2015

        J Cheong

        Hi S, unfortunately, I’m no Aunt Agony. The answer you seek, only you will have. And eventually, time will tell whether or not things will work out. I wish you all the best! See you around! 😉

        • Reply February 26, 2015


          Thanks J… I wish there is Aunt Agony,I think only myself can get the answer, hoping time will let me know whether or not things will work out for us.

  • Reply December 22, 2014


    Hi, J, after reading ur article, I m lost for words, “more than a friends, but not yet our lover”..I now in a grey area..we meet online for 6 months, and never meet personally,I wish he is the one, but I don’t like in this grey area…is that mean I should give up?

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